Another medieval Tale - The Devil Take You...

The summoner handing out a summons. From Ellesmere MS c.1400

As always the fortunes of one influence the misfortunes of another... The story i am about to tell has many variants, but this one is influenced by Chaucer's Friars Tale about a a Summoner who gets what's coming to him. The summoner whose job it was in medieval times to summon, to call those who were accused of doing wrong to the church courts. But like many in his profession, in his line of work, he was a greedy man and would take a fine, some coin from those accused of doing wrong, so that they would not have to go court and he would share the proceeds with his Bishop! And there were some like our man who were not satisfied with summoning the guilty to answer for their crimes, but would falsely accuse the innocent, those who had done nothing wrong in order to take a fine from them.... The summoner was a hated figure in medieval times, but he was in good company... For in other versions of this tale, he is ably replaced by a lawyer, bailiff and judge!

The Devil take You...
(Yet another late medieval tale demonstrating the growing dissatisfaction with a corrupt greedy church!)

Once on a certain day long ago, a summoner rode out to catch his prey, to summon those to court who had been accused of doing wrong, but more happy to take fines from those to scared or old to go there. Guilty or innocent, he did not care as long as they had money enough to pay him for his trouble. And as he rode out that day, happy at the thought of the days business ahead, happy at the thought of all the false charges he would make and bribes he would receive, he saw a well dressed man riding just ahead of him. A well dressed man wearing a gown and a broad brimmed black hat. And being in a good mood, the summoner greeted the stranger and invited him to ride close by a while...Good day to you stranger said the man in the broad brimmed black hat. Well met replied the summoner. Tell me friend says the stranger in the broad brimmed black hat, where are you going so early and on such a fine day as this?... To collect rents now due said the summoner, pretending now to be a bailiff collecting rents for his Lord. For it was bad enough to be a bailiff taking rent from those who could not afford it, yet much worse still to be a summoner taking fines from those who had done nothing wrong and the summoner did not want the stranger to know his true purpose, his work that day..

But tell me, says the summoner, since I have told you of my purpose this day, perhaps you would tell me yours.. I too am a bailiff of sorts says the stranger in the broad brimmed black hat, for I too travel the land collecting rents of sorts, although I travel much further than you to collect what is due to me.. And so the two rode on talking pleasantly of many things, and soon the summoner thought the stranger in the broad brimmed black hat to be a finer friend as ever he had had.. For being a summoner and hated by most, he had few friends by which to judge.

And after a while the summoner thought to know more of his new friend of where he came from, of how he worked and of his name... The stranger in the broad brimmed black hat began to smile a little. I am the Devil! says he, and I live down in hell... And as for my work, I travel the land collecting the souls of the dammed, of all those who have granted them to me. Whether by hook or by crook, by trickery, by force or by their own greed I take their souls for my own! And it seems to me says the Devil, that we are in the same trade, you take their money and I their souls...We both line our pockets with the misery of others!
Well, the summoner thought for a while and it was true, both he and the Devil were in the same business, which set him thinking.. Its true enough says he to the Devil, so why not this day we work as one. We will go about our business this day collecting what is owed. You take your share, what ever people give and I'll take mine and if one of us should get more than the other he'll share it with his new found friend. How would that be?.. Agreed said the Devil ) and both clapped hands together to seal the bargain...

And so it was as the day wore on they rode from village to village and the summoner went about his business taking a lot money from those who could little afford it... But the Devil he took nought, he took nothing.... And now the summoner grew weary for it was he who had done all the work this day. It was he who must share all with the Devil

But it was just then that both heard screams and shouts and old a woman appeared being pulled all ways by a pig she held tight upon a rope. The pig took the old woman this way, it took the old woman that and the only way the pig would not take her was the way the old woman wished to go. Enough! cried the old woman, I can take no more from you pig... The Devil take you! Well, hearing these words, the summoner lent over to the devil... Quick my friend take the pig, for the old woman says that it is yours... I would gladly take the pig says the Devil, but she did not mean it with her heart and if i were to take the pig the old woman would be sorry, for she is taking it to market to sell and without the pig she would have nothing.. And sure enough when the summoner looked again the old woman had taken up the rope and was tickling the pig playfully upon its ear...

And so they rode on from village to village the summoner ever busy taking a lot of money from those with little to give, but the Devil took nought, he took nothing and once more the summoner grew weary thinking of all he must share with the Devil..

But at that very moment both heard a child crying, screaming loudly and both saw that the woman holding it was crying too.. Enough! cried she, you are fed , you are cleaned, what more can I do to stop your tears... The Devil take you child!.. The Summoner turned quickly to the Devil..Take the child says he, for she has given it you.. Alas says the Devil, I have no right it, for its mother did not mean it with her heart and would not take two thousand pounds or more to allow me to get hold of her beloved child.. And sure enough when next the summoner looked the child had quietened and it mother sat singing and gently rocking it to sleep...

And so they rode on from village to village, the summoner ever busy taking a lot of money from those with little to give, but the Devil took nought, he took nothing and once more the summoner grew weary thinking of all he must share with the Devil..

But it was now that both saw a carter upon his cart loaded high with hay.. and his cart was stuck fast in the mud... the carter laid about the three horses that pulled his cart with a whip. The whip cracking loudly and the carter shouting louder still hup horses, hup, but the cart would not move and the carter shouted louder still. Enough! The Devil take you all body and bones, the devil take the lot of you , horses cart and hay!.. The summoner saw a bargain.. Quick Devil says he, take it at once, for the carter has given you the hay, cart and three fine horses too!...
I heard his words well enough says the Devil, but just wait and you will see he did not mean it with his heart, just watch... And sure enough with one more crack of the whip the horses pulled the cart free.. Hup, hup my fine fellows says the carter, and god bless you all my lovelies says he laughing now as he continued on his way...

Well now it was growing dark and the summoner had but one more stop to make at the house of an old woman, a widow with little to give... But it would not stop him taking what he could... It seems to me says the summoner to the Devil, that you need some lessons in the way of our business, for you have taken nothing this day, but fear not for I will show you how its done. For this old woman has little to her name says he, and even though she has done nothing wrong I'll threaten her with court if she doesn't pay me 12-pence this day. He beat hard upon her door and threatened the poor old woman as he had said he would.. Pay up old crone or you'll find yourself in court and if you can't come to court you'll find yourself in prison or worse, the Devil take me if I let you off this day!...

The old woman fell to her knees cursing the summoner... Never before have I been summoned to court she cried, never have I done anything wrong. I will not come with you, nor will I pay you your twelve pence.. Enough, stop beating upon my door... The Devil take you summoner, body and soul!..

And hearing her words, the Devil smiled... The Devil laughed... Now there was one who was serious says he, the old woman meant it with all her heart.. And with that he took the summoner firmly by the hair, he rose up high into the air and took the summoner body and soul d to Hell!

The end.

A late medieval tale-The Friar and the Butcher

This is Lady Fortune or Fortuna as the Romans knew her and I have a copy of this very image on one of the backdrops that hangs inside my storytelling tent. She stands blindfold behind her great wheel, unable to see, unswayed by age, gender, wealth or status...

She turns the wheel. A great wheel that we all ride upon. That's right, you are sitting astride her wheel right now. You may not know it, but you are on there and you are all subject to it. For some will be having good luck and so are riding high upon the wheel. But others among you are having bad luck and are descending as I write. It is the way of things....

And so it was in times past, especially in stories And that's the reason I have a copy of it in my tent, for there isn't a story that I can think of where the the fortunes of one character do not influence the misfortunes of another; as this my first story of many will surely show...

The Friar and the Butcher
Adapted from an early 16th Century French Tale
One of many tales from the late medieval period that mocked religious men for their greed

Once there lived a grey friar. A man of the Franciscan order. A man who was supposed to lead a simple life, but who instead followed his belly. He was a stout fellow who was as big in the middle as he was tall; so large was he that his habit would have covered three of the leaner Brothers of his order.

Once, the fat friar journeyed with a fellow friar, a lean, serious man who followed the rule of his order to the letter and was a bit dull for all that. They were traveling to the great friary at Norwich, but nightfall came and so they sought lodgings at the house of a butcher and his wife. Their home was small, most travelers would have slept in the barn, but the butcher’s wife was a pious woman who held their order in high esteem. So instead, she guided them up stairs to the bed chamber. The bedchamber of the woman and her husband, but tonight it would be where the grey friars took their rest.

Downstairs the butcher returned from the market. He was a gruff man and a completely different cut of meat to his goodly wife. For he was a man who cared little for friars or monks and believed that they lived far to well for men of God, besides the butcher was more concerned with putting food on the table than with worrying about heaven or hell. So great was his dislike of such men that he called his two pigs, his ‘fat grey friars’ for he saw very little difference between them. The thin friar climbed into bed and was soon asleep, but the fat friar didn’t, for he had noticed that all that separated the chamber above from the kitchen below, were thin wooden boards, badly joined and desired to hear the talk between husband and wife and perhaps, a little more! So he set his ear to the boards and listened.

The butcher having no suspicion of his guest upstairs talked to his wife about the following day’s work. Wife says he, Wife. Tomorrow we must go to our fat grey friars, for I have noticed that one of them is very fat indeed. We will kill him, salt his flesh and sell it at market. Then the butcher laughed, for he knew his words would upset his pious wife. But she did not laugh, for she had warned him on many occasions that no good would come of his insults. For she felt certain that if he kept calling his pigs ‘fat grey friars’, then he would have the wrath of God upon him. And the fat grey friar upstairs did not laugh, for hearing the butcher’s words and believing them to tell of his own doom, he leapt into the bed and trembling with fear, confessed to his lean brother all that he had heard.

The thin friar began to moan, for although he had no fear of death he was not yet ready to give up this life. They couldn't leave by the door lest they pass through the kitchen where the butcher now lay; they must escape through the window, for as the thin friar said, We shall suffer no more grievous a death by falling than we would by being gutted by the butcher. The thin friar lowered himself from the window and dropped lightly to the ground, but then he ran away as fast he might. The fat friar, seeing he had been left to his fate, leapt from the window without care; landing with a mighty thud and much swearing besides, for he had broken his leg. And now the butchers dog began to bark, but the friar couldn’t walk let alone run and so it was he crawled to the only hiding place nearby, a pigsty and prayed that help might come.

Dawn broke, and it found the butcher and his wife already up. The butcher's wife cooking breakfast, the butcher sharpening his biggest knife! He bade his wife to come with him, so that she might help kill their fattest pig; the ‘fat grey friar'. Once again his wife warned him that no good would come of his insults, but the butcher just laughed and as they arrived at the pig sty, he called out… Come out, come out master grey friar for it is my fixed intent this very day to taste your chitterlins. But it was not a pig that came out of the pigsty this day, instead it was the fat grey friar crawling on his hands and knees and begging for mercy… Please don’t kill me, he pleaded. Please don’t salt my flesh and sell it at market.

But the butcher did not reply, for the butcher was no longer there, for if the friar was in great terror for his life, the butcher was in no less and it seemed that he did indeed have the wrath of God upon him. And so the butcher ran and ran and he ran. Some say that he ran to the nearest priory where he spent the rest of his days praying for his eternal soul.Some say that he ran until his feet were but bloody stumps and he fell over. But there are others who say that after a while he stopped running and realising his mistake he took to sea, had many adventures and was responsible for introducing the sausage to Italy!

The end

Welcome to a world of wonder...

Geoffrey Chaucer - from the Ellesmere MS circa 1400

Welcome to this this the third of my new blogs (See links & blogs) The first being about my life as a storyteller and the places that I tell, and the second about my earlier job as an historical interpreter.

As you will see from the profile on my other storytelling blog, I have had a varied career, but have been traveling the land and telling stories for a living for over six years. I like to think that I wander the land, bringing wonder wherever I go. A wandering wonderer by trade! I specialize in historical tales from England, although many of these were influenced by much earlier tales from the Middle East and other far off lands that were brought over by sailors and soldiers during the times of the crusade and later exploration. The stories vary from five minute silly 'gests' that were popular in Tudor times, to the thirty minute epic based on Saxon and Viking myth or Medieval Arthurian Legend. I tell something for everyone, from the serious to the sad, to the silly and many a bawdy tale beside. Stories that would make even Chaucer himself blush! And like Chaucer I have adapted earlier tales to suit a modern audience. For like all storytellers..

I Grow New Corn From Old Fields!

All the different types of tale I tell will be included in this blog, although you must understand that the written versions do not do the told versions justice - Stories I think are best heard. That said, I hope you enjoy this selection of my tales, some of which are old favourites of mine whilst others here have yet to be told. So..

Harken Unto My Words & Hold Your Tongues For I Have A Blog To Write!